Saggy, Baggy Skin

I took a shower yesterday.

You know you’re in bad shape when that’s news. But I am, and it is. It’s now been a solid month since my emergency surgery, and just over three weeks since the incision became infected. Since then, I’ve basically been sleeping most of the time, or just laying around. After a month of that, I have no energy.

Since I hadn’t seen myself without clothes for a while, it was more than the normal shock. You see, with clothes on, I look pretty darn good. I’m somewhere between a size 8 and a 10, depending on where I’ve tried stuff on. And I’ve even begun to see myself as being this size.

But once the clothes came off… Well, it’s a bit jarring to see my sagging skin. I’ve lost 10 pounds pretty quickly during this ordeal, and those pounds have been the hardest on my skin.

My stomach looks like melted candle wax.

As I’ve said before, this really messes with your head. One minute, you’re feeling pretty hot, then the next it’s like whoa! When did my body turn 80?

But at this point, I cannot even contemplate plastic surgery. And in fact, I may never. Originally, I was sure I’d try to find a way to have my excess skin removed, probably by this time next year. But tummy tucks can’t be done laproscopically, which means incisions. Which means the possibility for infection, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be up to that risk again.

So, I’m telling myself it’s not so bad. The only person who’ll ever see it is my sweet husband, who insists he doesn’t care. Still, the thought of getting naked isn’t really an exciting one for me.

I’ve got this lotion stuff from Nivea, body reshaping I think they call it. When I can remember to use it, I can tell a difference. Once I get this infernal wound vac removed from my stomach, I’m going to make a concerted effort to use it at least once a day for a month or so and see if it really can make a difference.

Who knows? Maybe if I can get to the gym and do some toning (instead of just aerobics) and combine that with the lotion, by this time next year I’ll have something I can live with.

It never hurts to hope.

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2 Responses to Saggy, Baggy Skin

  1. But thank you for being so bold about sharing. Don’t give up! I really like Nathaniel Rateliff he sings about skin stretched so thin you can see through it.

  2. Oh God. It does hurt to hope sweetheart. It does. You can’t fit in in either world now. You learn your shame, and where as the whole world used to see it as an automatic confession, now its all for you to bear. I know. I’ve been disgusting for a long time. I never had a boyfriend while I was big. The dichotomy of very slim face, shoulders, and no breasts has really attracted some hateful, smart, and guilt laden men. I don’t know who they hate, most of them liked having ‘the barrier’ to hate and being able to try and summount it, but they never could any more than I could. Salvadore Dali loving freaks mostly. I was born to be a lonley old sad sack at the age of 22. I’m 33 now. I wish I could say it gets easier as you age and your ‘friends’ catch up to you in sag, but atleast they were beautiful once, you know, me I just fight the WAR with each moment and I’ll never have what they pissed away. Childhood never ends for everyone I suppose. They say married people aren’t necessarily any more or less lonley than single people, I hope that the spiritual changes in you find you more compatible in your relationships. Hard lessons. There are so many reasons people get fat in the first place. Its a lot to sort through. Me, if I could afford to have the “bags” surgically removed I would. I feel like my body is just like jagged front teeth and a gaping eye hole on a battered woman. I only had insurance for two years of my adult life, an if you didn’t have gastric bypass, they will NEVER cover the skin wings surgeries no matter how bad it is. I approached some burn centers and surgery places but there was no chance of finance. You never know if you will loose your insurance and be like the rest of us brave new worlders outside the fence.