I’ve been overweight my entire life.
Diets? I’ve tried them all: South Beach, low calorie, low fat, low carb, Atkins, the Zone, Ornish, Susan Powter – if it promised weight loss, I’ve probably tried it.
In about 2003 I went on a diet of my own, loosely based on South Beach. I lost 60 pounds in a year and felt great. Then, in mid-2004, my husband left to work in Kuwait as a contractor for a year. Being a single parent of 2 boys made life just too hectic to cook all the time, and we wound up relying on fast food.
I gained all the weight back – and then some – with lightning speed.
Making The Decision To Have Weight Loss Surgery
At my church, several women had already had gastric bypass surgery. They all seemed to be doing great – and they certainly looked great. I started seriously thinking about having it, too.
But one thing I wanted was information on exactly what I was getting into. Would I regret the decision? How would having a gastric bypass change my life?
I’ve always been intensely self-conscious about my weight, so it wasn’t really an option to talk to the other women I knew who’d had weight loss surgery. But when I turned to the internet, it was very hard to find honest, objective information on what life was like after a gastric bypass.
Everyone was either sunshine-and-roses, or incredibly disparaging about the surgery. There just wasn’t a clear picture that I felt could help prepare me for what to expect.
But with the information I could gather, I made the decision that a gastric bypass surgery was right for me. I based this on:
- I desperately wanted to lose weight, and after regaining the 60 pounds I had lost nothing seemed to be working
- Regaining the weight after working so hard to lose it was just horrible. I wanted an option that would be permanent – this is why I chose gastric bypass over the lap band procedure, which has to be adjusted and can be removed
- I believed the myth that weight loss would be easy after surgery and that it would never be regained
- The women I knew who had had the surgery all were doing well and looked great
- Most of all, I wanted to be thin. I wanted to be beautiful. I was tired of feeling like less of a person because I couldn’t control my weight. I saw my fat as a character flaw. And if I’m being totally honest, it was this overwhelming desire to look like a normal person that really made the decision for me
There is a person I’ve always wanted to be. I’m not talking about idolizing someone else – this person is what I imagine the perfect version of me to be. She’s exuberant, full of joy and energy, can make you laugh, and just makes you feel good by being around her. She’s also hot – and let’s be honest, all women want to be beautiful. I’m not going to apologize for that.
But the bottom line is that my decision was not based on a desire for better health. It was a highly emotional, self-esteem issue for me.
My Expectations Meet Gastric Bypass Reality
So I went into surgery with some unrealistic expectations – and got quite a few surprises in the days and months following. Sure, I’d been to the pre-op class to hear about the possible complications. I took the nutrition class to learn how I was supposed to eat afterward.
But nobody really explained (though to be fair they did try) how much this surgery would mess with my mind. They didn’t tell me that instead of no longer thinking about food, I’d spend my entire day counting fluid ounces and protein grams and keeping track of which vitamins I’d taken.
Instead of denying myself, I would feel like I was constantly shoving something in my mouth. And don’t let that excite you – I’m not talking about shoving in good things, but water and more water, and chewable supplements that don’t always taste good, and protein powders and shakes.
What’s more, the weight did not just magically melt away with no effort. That is perhaps the single biggest myth out there – that having a gastric bypass is the easy way out. It’s the exact opposite. You still have to exercise, you still have to be very careful about what you eat.
The biggest difference for me is that after having a gastric bypass, the exercise and the being careful actually get results, whereas before I could diet like crazy and be lucky to lose 10 pounds.
Gastric Bypass Changed More Than Just My Body
But relationships change. The biggest one being my relationship with myself and my own body. Who is this person that’s emerging from behind the layers of fat? In some ways I feel like I’ve found myself - I’m much more comfortable interacting with others, especially people I don’t know well. I can meet a stranger without giving a thought to how I look.
I’m a lot more confident, and in many ways I’m happier. At least with my clothes on. Because underneath, the weight loss has taken a toll on my skin. That makes me very self conscious, and is not an ego boost come bath time every night. And my poor husband has paid a price there.
People do treat me differently. Mostly this has been good. But you know all those problems you have that you think will go away when the fat is all gone? They don’t go away.
If you have a problem communicating with your spouse – guess what? You still will when the weight is gone. If you’re unhappy with who you are when you wear a size 24, you’re still gonna be unhappy in a size 12.
And you’ll be surprised how many issues you have that you really think are because of being overweight, but actually stem from something else. I discovered I’m not any better at accepting praise or complements now that I’m thinner. I didn’t feel undeserving just because I was fat – there’s actually something deeper there.
The bottom line with gastric bypass surgery is that the weight does come off. But then there are a whole host of ramifications to that weight loss. Physical, psychological, and relational. I’ve seen stories of people who felt like gastric bypass saved their lives, and others who feel that it ruined their health.
My gastric bypass story is still being written. As I write this, I’m only 11 months out from surgery. I’ve not yet met my goal. But I feel like I’m far enough out to start looking at the decision objectively. There are positives and negatives. Hopefully, by sharing them with you it will help your journey, whether you’ve already had surgery or are still trying to make the decision.
I promise brutal honesty and absolutely never to sugarcoat anything. I hope it helps you.
By Lisa
June 20, 2008
10 responses so far ↓
1 heather // Aug 7, 2008 at 7:56 pm
I just want to thank you for your honesty . I so want to have gastric bypass and have been researching it and it is hard to find a site that shares the good and the bad .Thanks again Heather
2 allie2008 // Aug 23, 2008 at 11:46 pm
I am scheduled to have surgery on September 9, 2008. I have been very nervous about what to expect after. Thank you for sharing your story. I don’t doubt that I have made the right decision and that I am ready for what is to come but I feel better having an idea of what that may be. Thanks again.
3 Lisa // Sep 12, 2008 at 2:16 pm
heather – I’m so glad I could help, that was exactly my goal.
allie – your surgery should have been this week. How did it go? How are you now?
I will be praying for you!
4 Loubylou44 // Oct 20, 2008 at 5:27 am
Lisa
When I found your site, I had already made the decision to have surgery. Over here in the UK there is no health insurance to pay for it and our NHS has no money to fund it. Therefore I’m paying over 10,000 to have this surgery.
Since reading your website it’s really made me question my decision. Whether this is right for me, if paying all that money to lose some of my hair and fight vitamin deficiency is the answer.
I’ve decided that it is the way forward and I look forward to reading more about how your proceed and taking on a lot of your advice.
Thank you Lisa for a very realistic look at bypass surgery.
Louise
5 Lisa // Oct 21, 2008 at 7:59 am
Hi Louise,
Thank you for that comment – building this website has been incredibly time consuming, but you show that it’s most certainly worth it. Because your response is exactly my goal. I don’t want to talk anyone into or out of surgery, but if I can help even a few people not be blindsided by reality after it’s too late to change their minds, then I feel like I’ve surved a real purpose.
Hair will grow back. And as long as you know to, you can stay on top of your supplements and hopefully never experience vitamin deficiencies.
The doctors tell us these things, but they come out in medical-ese, and in such a volume of information someone told me once it’s like trying to get a drink of water from a fire hose. I think hearing personal stories makes it more real and easier to process.
Keep in touch about your progress – I’d love to hear about your experiences as well!
And say a prayer for me. I’ve just undergone a major complication – I’m working on a post about it but it’s taking some time. Warning in advance, don’t let it scare you. From what I’ve been able to discover it happens to about 3-5% of GBP patients. Lucky me. But it sure is a doozy, and one I hadn’t really known about or written of on the complications page.
God Bless, and best of luck with your surgery!
Lisa
6 allie2008 // Nov 13, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Lisa,
Thank you so much for you thoughts and prayers, it really means a lot.
It has been 2 months since my surgery and while it has not been easy I have been very lucky not to have had any complications thus far. I am a little dissappointed at the rate of my weight loss. I expected to lose more faster. I know have come a long way and I am always reminding myself of just how far in such a short amount time. I tell myself every day that I did not gain this weight overnight and I am not going to loose it overnight and that I am loosing it faster than I have ever lost before. Most of all I know that this time it is gone forever.
That being said, having surgery was the best decision I have ever made. My relationship with food has changed so drastically and in ways I never expected. I just don’t view it with the same urgency I did before. I have to tell myself to eat. To remind myself the I need to consume at least 500 calories a day to continue to loose. (This is my biggest problem.) Did I just say that? I struggle with how much and what to eat now. I don’t crave anything and I just don’t feel hungery most of the time. Again did I just say that??
Anyway thank you so much for this site. You have given me a place to go when I need to feel “normal” and most of all when I wonder what “normal” is. I know that putting this togeth takes a lot of hard work and I thank you for it. I look forward to reading about your continued journey.
Good luck to you and I will be praying for you as well!
Allie
7 KristiR // Jan 27, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Thanks for your very candid account of your experiences, I can’t tell you how refreshing to read something real so that I can make my decisions on what procedure I want to pursue. I finally have an insurance company that didn’t say flat out NO, I do have a year of hoops to jump through, but as you say it is a commitment no matter what I choose, so I guess this is time I need to prepare myself mentally for the challenges ahead. Thanks so much.
Kristi
8 mbradleyrn // Mar 17, 2009 at 6:41 am
Lisa- I had surgery a few months after you. It’s like we’re twins. I have hit my complication phase of life after WLS too. Just had my gallbladder out. Had emergent hernia repair last fall. Now, 3 weeks after my gb came out I may have another hernia. CT this morning, in pain as I speak. I knew I was trading one set of health problems for another, and I am not complaining b/c the surgery was the best thing I ever did for myself. But the road is hard. We all are having our own personal journey. Thanks for sharing.It’s nice to know I’m not the only one in the same boat. You have a new fan.
9 smithaim4 // Apr 19, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Thanks for sharing your experience with everyone. I’m 6 days post-op and a little miserable. It gets better every day. But I do worry about my gal bladder/ hernias/ stones/ losing my hair. I hope I didn’t trade being fat for a host of other health issuues that might come.
Good luck to you and everyone else.
10 never_fit_so_i_bought_earrings // Jul 10, 2009 at 7:04 pm
HI LISA… (You R Amazing)
HELLO ALL
I just wanted to thank you for being so honest. I have 34 Days left till I go under the knife.
I have chosen not to tell anyone for the exception of my Hubby and Sister so finding this site brings me so much peace.
Reading all this information makes me more aware of how serious this surgery is. The problem is that I’m finding it hard to know if my hubby really understands! This may throw our relationship into freefall because i know that we are the couple that eats together, goes to the movies and eat some more, go anywhere and eat even more. We have not been able to have children, I have type 2 Diabetes & POC at the extreme end.
I am a emotional person so I just know I might b a emotional desaster
I really goig to all ur prayes.
LOVE & BLESSINGS TO U ALL
Belle
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